Have you ever noticed how the weather is changing? I mean, when I was a kid growing up here in the great Pacific Northwest we used to get hellacious storms in the fall and spring, cold, crisp days in the winter and mild, sometimes humid days in the summer. Not so anymore... it's like a roll of the dice. Some years we get summer extensions well into late October and some years August is the beginning of fall.
This year our spring seems to have already "sprung"... the plants are getting new growth, we're getting green up on some of the grasses, bulbs are sprouting, bugs are out... it's just not like it used to be.
Maybe a lot of it can be attributed to that infamous "global warming" but not all of it! So what's happening? Has the earth shifted in it's revolution? Are we spinning closer to the sun? Is the earth's core warming? What the hell is happening?
I used to love soaking in the hot tub on those very cold February nights while the snow fell. My hair would freeze, the steam from the tub would rise and form ice crystals in the air... little tiny crystals that would either be carried away in a light breeze or fall back into the tub's water again. The deck would be covered with a blanket of snow and oh... my whiskey and water would taste ever so good! I can't do that anymore... well, the whiskey and water still tastes pretty good but the other stuff... the snow, ice, frozen hair and hot tub I can't do anymore. Aside from the fact that we no longer have a hot tub and I have far less hair than I used to... minor details... it rarely snows around here anymore. And whatever a hot tub might have to do with the weather is beyond me. But it's uncanny. We get rid of the hot tub and the weather changes! Go figure...
I don't see those clear distinctions between Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall that we used to have around here in the 50's, 60's and 70's. The seasons just seem to "meld" together into some sort of "Winingsumall". Like a melting pot of seasons. The plants are confused, the animals don't know when to shed, bugs flitter around lost, bees sting you in the dead of January, spiders nest continuously, ice is a novelty and the sun seems more prevalent. Just what the heck is happening?
Justathought...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
This should be short...
Well, another day. Valentine's Day went by rather quietly. We gave each other a card in the morning, went off to work, spent the day occupied by our jobs and after work went over to visit Dad. It was a nice visit. We were a bit concerned about how he was doing on this day being as he'd always get Mom flowers or something on Valentine's Day. Well, he did. He took flowers to her grave and visited with her a bit. When we saw him later in the afternoon he was doing great. Like I said, it was a great visit...
I finally figured out some technical stuff about this blog. Remember, I'm new to this blogging stuff so I wasn't exactly sure how to set it up. I still can't figure out how to get a "Guest Book" or counter on this site but that gives me something to do.
J has no idea I have this thing up and running. Nothing here should really annoy or startle her aside from the fact that I'm posting my thoughts to the world. Which I find is a good thing... it's therapeutic in it's odd little way and a bit addicting. Much like the diaries of old.
Instead of going in to work today I'm going to work at home. I keep getting distracted in that "cubicle" world and can't stay focused on some of the tasks that need to get done so I thought I'd bring the urgent stuff to the house and complete them here. I have one other guy coming over to help. Between us we should be able to have everything rewritten, prepped and ready for final dissemination by Friday. It's too bad when you can't do this stuff at work but the job needs to get done.
I got a bit of a "start" yesterday. My ol' heart started racing and felt a bit erratic, my chest felt like it was cramping and I felt dizzy. All this after I took that friggin' pill. Not immediately after but a couple of hours after. Kind of strange but I worked through it. Besides, I know what was happening. Like I said, it runs in the family. There's really nothing that can be done so I'll just have to learn to live with it. Odd though how it seems to have "come on" so recently... over the past six to eight months.
I've been busy at work preparing some testimony for legislature the past four days for one of my exec bosses. She delivered her testimony yesterday. I'm unsure how it went but am sure she'll let me know later in the week. She was testifying on a pretty important piece of legislation that will affect the department and quite a few citizens of the state. Hopefully, all went well.
J and I are going to go help our daughter, her husband and our grandkids move this weekend... a local move. They bought a beautiful new house and are moving from a rental into it. I'm a bit concerned for them because the mortgage payment is up there. I'm sure they've prepared a budget... he's anal like that and probably has it worked out but like I said, I'm still a bit concerned. Big debt and tight finances can ruin good marriages... not that theirs is in jeopardy though... just a father's concern.
Oh yeah! The good news! A representative is coming over to the house next week to conduct an "in-house" survey and to interview us re: Andrew. One of those necessary steps to get him back. We're looking forward to it. The little bugger needs to get out of his mess as soon as possible and get into an environment where he can grow and be loved. Cool, huh!
Alright, I'm getting off of here... going to do my online news reading and wake up J for work.
I'll drop a line later.
I finally figured out some technical stuff about this blog. Remember, I'm new to this blogging stuff so I wasn't exactly sure how to set it up. I still can't figure out how to get a "Guest Book" or counter on this site but that gives me something to do.
J has no idea I have this thing up and running. Nothing here should really annoy or startle her aside from the fact that I'm posting my thoughts to the world. Which I find is a good thing... it's therapeutic in it's odd little way and a bit addicting. Much like the diaries of old.
Instead of going in to work today I'm going to work at home. I keep getting distracted in that "cubicle" world and can't stay focused on some of the tasks that need to get done so I thought I'd bring the urgent stuff to the house and complete them here. I have one other guy coming over to help. Between us we should be able to have everything rewritten, prepped and ready for final dissemination by Friday. It's too bad when you can't do this stuff at work but the job needs to get done.
I got a bit of a "start" yesterday. My ol' heart started racing and felt a bit erratic, my chest felt like it was cramping and I felt dizzy. All this after I took that friggin' pill. Not immediately after but a couple of hours after. Kind of strange but I worked through it. Besides, I know what was happening. Like I said, it runs in the family. There's really nothing that can be done so I'll just have to learn to live with it. Odd though how it seems to have "come on" so recently... over the past six to eight months.
I've been busy at work preparing some testimony for legislature the past four days for one of my exec bosses. She delivered her testimony yesterday. I'm unsure how it went but am sure she'll let me know later in the week. She was testifying on a pretty important piece of legislation that will affect the department and quite a few citizens of the state. Hopefully, all went well.
J and I are going to go help our daughter, her husband and our grandkids move this weekend... a local move. They bought a beautiful new house and are moving from a rental into it. I'm a bit concerned for them because the mortgage payment is up there. I'm sure they've prepared a budget... he's anal like that and probably has it worked out but like I said, I'm still a bit concerned. Big debt and tight finances can ruin good marriages... not that theirs is in jeopardy though... just a father's concern.
Oh yeah! The good news! A representative is coming over to the house next week to conduct an "in-house" survey and to interview us re: Andrew. One of those necessary steps to get him back. We're looking forward to it. The little bugger needs to get out of his mess as soon as possible and get into an environment where he can grow and be loved. Cool, huh!
Alright, I'm getting off of here... going to do my online news reading and wake up J for work.
I'll drop a line later.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sleepless again...
Good morning! It's Valentine's Day... February 14, 2005.
I woke up at 0320 and couldn't seem to get back to sleep so I got out of bed around 0412. Such is my life lately. This blog, it's consuming. I think about it quite a bit when I'm not on it writing something. I find it to be an outlet of sorts for my pent up thoughts... an effective way to clear my mind. Yesterday I tried to watch the Pro Bowl but kept getting side tracked. Finally, I shut it off and J and I took our walk around the neighborhood. I still don't know who won... nor do I really care. That's rather unusual for me because I've always been an avid football fan... hmmmm, maybe it just isn't that important to me anymore.
Well, I'm starting out the work week early. I answered several work related emails yesterday, Sunday, my day off and caught the ire of J for doing it. But the emails were important to me and I just couldn't wait until today to write my responses. I'm one of those spontaneous, compulsive freaks who, once I get a thought in my mind I can't get rid of it until I address it head on. Hence the emails on Sunday rather than today.
I'm not sure why I've been waking up at 03dark thirty for the past several months but know this much... once I do there's no getting back to sleep. I got J a card for Valentine's Day... nothing major. We're a bit tight on the budget right now so I'll see what shakes out in the ol' account this morning before I do anything else re: flowers or something. I mean, after 27 years I just don't know what to get her anymore.It's not like she "has it all" it's just that she's a challenge to shop for. You'd think the longer you're with someone the better you'll know her... in many ways that's the case but in many other ways it isn't. I mean, people tend to change their wants and needs over the years as they get older. Given that, I'm still a bit unsure what to get her. Though flowers always seem to get good results :-).
We're going to put our house on the market this coming fall... we need to get out from under this friggin' adjustable rate mortgage that we let someone talk us into. We're already paying too much a month for the place and to have it increase on January 1, 2006 isn't acceptable. We'll be broke by our mortgage payment by March. We could always refinance and get a conventional or VA fixed loan but we've decided to down size our home. Hell, the two of us don't need a 2200 square foot home anymore. We did when we had J's mother and Andrew living with us but since her mother died in July and Andrew's been sent back to Georgia this house has grown in size and loneliness. So, we're gonna dump it... let someone else who needs a larger home have it. We're talking about an 1800 square foot home... you know, the three bedroom, two bath, fenced yard thing or maybe a nice double or triple wide on some property somewhere. We'd still have enough room for Andrew and for company when they stop by but will have roughly half the payment... we could use an additional 800 bucks a month.
I still have to do the taxes too. Damn! Last year we had to pay over 1100 bucks to the feds. I'm dreading this year's taxes... most likely we'll be shelling out more.
Oh yeah, the doc put me on some blood pressure medicine a couple of months ago. I'm sure some of you folks are on it. It's a pain... the prescription says right on it "take one daily, do not miss a day. It could worsen your condition". Now how many of you can remember a little fact like that day to day. Most of you are probably saying "Hell, what's so hard about that. I can!" but trust me, I can't! I keep forgeting to take the bloody thing! Then when I do it's usually after I start getting cramps in my chest and can feel my heart going nuts... what is this? I mean, I know my family has a history of heart problems... I'm otherwise in good health, about 15 pounds overweight (not bad for a 50 plus year old guy), am somewhat active... moreso than most my age and although the arthritis is starting to creep in and the old war wounds are flaring up again I feel fine. Now I have to take that damned medicine and keep forgetting to take it... sometimes until half a day later. I must admit though, after I take it things seem to settle down in that ol' ticker area. But, I hate being tied to a pill. I hate being controlled, period! And that friggin' pill has some odd side effects too. Weight gain, loose bowels, dry mouth, ringing ears (moreso than normal)... stuff like that. And to compound things the wine I drink every night seems to intensify some of those affects. Whatever... when I cash it in I hope I'm on a trail in the woods somewhere trying to solve a puzzle. That's what I hope.
I've been thinking a lot about the world situation lately too. I mean, North Korea with nukes???!!! How the Hell did that happen. They can't even make cars right! Now a nuke (or two or four)??? And they claim to have a delivery device that'll reach out and touch someone over 2000 miles away. You do the math... Washington State, North Korea... Ft. Lewis, McChord AFB, Bangor Sub Base, Bremerton Naval Station, Everett Naval Station, Whidbey Island Naval Air Station and on and on... It's suggested they're "posturing" for more aid and a lift of the sanctions. Posturing my ass! If someone's pointing a gun at my head and asking for my wallet that ain't posturing! And China! All of those people over there... all of them and the fantastic creeping of technology into their country. Look at the stuff coming out. It's pretty damned good. I was once told by a very good professor that you can tell how advanced a country truly is by the toys they produce. Not just kids toys but grownup toys as well. Hell, China's kicking out some pretty good toys! All I can say is we'd better not piss them off.
Well, enough of this drivel... I guess I should get off of here and do something constructive. It's almost 0600 and I need to finish up some things on this computer before I wake J up for another day of work.
Take care all.
Monday, February 14, 2005 06:08 A.M.
I woke up at 0320 and couldn't seem to get back to sleep so I got out of bed around 0412. Such is my life lately. This blog, it's consuming. I think about it quite a bit when I'm not on it writing something. I find it to be an outlet of sorts for my pent up thoughts... an effective way to clear my mind. Yesterday I tried to watch the Pro Bowl but kept getting side tracked. Finally, I shut it off and J and I took our walk around the neighborhood. I still don't know who won... nor do I really care. That's rather unusual for me because I've always been an avid football fan... hmmmm, maybe it just isn't that important to me anymore.
Well, I'm starting out the work week early. I answered several work related emails yesterday, Sunday, my day off and caught the ire of J for doing it. But the emails were important to me and I just couldn't wait until today to write my responses. I'm one of those spontaneous, compulsive freaks who, once I get a thought in my mind I can't get rid of it until I address it head on. Hence the emails on Sunday rather than today.
I'm not sure why I've been waking up at 03dark thirty for the past several months but know this much... once I do there's no getting back to sleep. I got J a card for Valentine's Day... nothing major. We're a bit tight on the budget right now so I'll see what shakes out in the ol' account this morning before I do anything else re: flowers or something. I mean, after 27 years I just don't know what to get her anymore.It's not like she "has it all" it's just that she's a challenge to shop for. You'd think the longer you're with someone the better you'll know her... in many ways that's the case but in many other ways it isn't. I mean, people tend to change their wants and needs over the years as they get older. Given that, I'm still a bit unsure what to get her. Though flowers always seem to get good results :-).
We're going to put our house on the market this coming fall... we need to get out from under this friggin' adjustable rate mortgage that we let someone talk us into. We're already paying too much a month for the place and to have it increase on January 1, 2006 isn't acceptable. We'll be broke by our mortgage payment by March. We could always refinance and get a conventional or VA fixed loan but we've decided to down size our home. Hell, the two of us don't need a 2200 square foot home anymore. We did when we had J's mother and Andrew living with us but since her mother died in July and Andrew's been sent back to Georgia this house has grown in size and loneliness. So, we're gonna dump it... let someone else who needs a larger home have it. We're talking about an 1800 square foot home... you know, the three bedroom, two bath, fenced yard thing or maybe a nice double or triple wide on some property somewhere. We'd still have enough room for Andrew and for company when they stop by but will have roughly half the payment... we could use an additional 800 bucks a month.
I still have to do the taxes too. Damn! Last year we had to pay over 1100 bucks to the feds. I'm dreading this year's taxes... most likely we'll be shelling out more.
Oh yeah, the doc put me on some blood pressure medicine a couple of months ago. I'm sure some of you folks are on it. It's a pain... the prescription says right on it "take one daily, do not miss a day. It could worsen your condition". Now how many of you can remember a little fact like that day to day. Most of you are probably saying "Hell, what's so hard about that. I can!" but trust me, I can't! I keep forgeting to take the bloody thing! Then when I do it's usually after I start getting cramps in my chest and can feel my heart going nuts... what is this? I mean, I know my family has a history of heart problems... I'm otherwise in good health, about 15 pounds overweight (not bad for a 50 plus year old guy), am somewhat active... moreso than most my age and although the arthritis is starting to creep in and the old war wounds are flaring up again I feel fine. Now I have to take that damned medicine and keep forgetting to take it... sometimes until half a day later. I must admit though, after I take it things seem to settle down in that ol' ticker area. But, I hate being tied to a pill. I hate being controlled, period! And that friggin' pill has some odd side effects too. Weight gain, loose bowels, dry mouth, ringing ears (moreso than normal)... stuff like that. And to compound things the wine I drink every night seems to intensify some of those affects. Whatever... when I cash it in I hope I'm on a trail in the woods somewhere trying to solve a puzzle. That's what I hope.
I've been thinking a lot about the world situation lately too. I mean, North Korea with nukes???!!! How the Hell did that happen. They can't even make cars right! Now a nuke (or two or four)??? And they claim to have a delivery device that'll reach out and touch someone over 2000 miles away. You do the math... Washington State, North Korea... Ft. Lewis, McChord AFB, Bangor Sub Base, Bremerton Naval Station, Everett Naval Station, Whidbey Island Naval Air Station and on and on... It's suggested they're "posturing" for more aid and a lift of the sanctions. Posturing my ass! If someone's pointing a gun at my head and asking for my wallet that ain't posturing! And China! All of those people over there... all of them and the fantastic creeping of technology into their country. Look at the stuff coming out. It's pretty damned good. I was once told by a very good professor that you can tell how advanced a country truly is by the toys they produce. Not just kids toys but grownup toys as well. Hell, China's kicking out some pretty good toys! All I can say is we'd better not piss them off.
Well, enough of this drivel... I guess I should get off of here and do something constructive. It's almost 0600 and I need to finish up some things on this computer before I wake J up for another day of work.
Take care all.
Monday, February 14, 2005 06:08 A.M.
The old man...
Okay, it's Sunday morning at 0600 hrs. I've been up for an hour... can't seem to be able to sleep past 0330-0430 anymore, no matter what time I hit the sack. I've read emails, sent emails, read horoscopes, the headline news, cleaned out mailboxes, smoked ten cigarettes and am now on the blog. My wife is still sleeping so I'll post this then go play some online poker or something.
J (my wife) and I took my father out to dinner last night at O'Blarney's. While we were there our son and his girlfriend stopped by. They were going to the show next door... gonna watch some mushy film or something... I have to laugh about it, watching my son get domesticated slowly but surely by his girlfriend. You married guys out there most likely can identify with what I'm saying. Either way she's a keeper...
Anyways, back to dinner with Dad. If you've never been to O'Blarney's you should go. It probably has the best steak for the buck (my preference is the Cajun steak). We didn't order steak last night... had the seafood platter instead. But the food and company was great.
Mom passed away on January 1, 2005 so Dad's still getting over her... hell, we all are. He's never truly going to get "over her". She was a huge part of his life for 67 years. They were married for 63, almost 64 years. So, after she passed on we were all concerned about Dad. He was really down in the dumps (understandable) and wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't want to do anything. Now don't get me wrong... the old man is hard, he's the epitome of macho and has the battle scars to prove himself. He was a warrior in WWII, serving in the Army for 22 years. He was one of the first Special Forces soldiers in WWII... a member of the "Alamo Scouts". His life back then was New Guinea, Phillipines and other Pacific Island jungles full of enemies that he and the rest of his group had to monitor without being detected. He lived off of the land for extended periods of time (over a year per stint) without any real support and with a knowing enemy looking for him, all the while reporting back to his command the troop strengths, locations, etc. of the enemy. In short, he must have done things right because the enemy lost that war, he's still alive and he can talk about it without going into a tearful frenzy. All the while Mom was "stateside" waiting for him to "come home".
So, given the circumstances, knowing much of what they went through during their 67 years together it's totally understandable and even expected for Dad to have his "moments". Last night though, I think it was a breakthrough of sorts... I think he's liking life again. At 83 years old that can be hard to do. He talked about all kinds of things from Mom to O'Blarney's to fishing and pictures. We laughed, joked and remembered together. After I paid the bill we all sat around at the table and kept it up. It was a healthy evening...
He's over the hump I think... he'll always remember Mom, will talk with her from time to time but realizes he has others around him who love, respect and need him here. When J and I got home from that dinner we watched the movie "The notebook" or something like that with James Gardner in it. It was purely coincidental... we had no idea what the movie was about but, thanks to Netflix, ordered it and subsequently watched it. If you haven't seen it you should! While I watched I couldn't help but think how much it told me about my own father's life... especially how he must feel today. I certainly wouldn't recommend it to him... it would most likely open those recent wounds that are starting to heal but truly understand his devotion to Mom and hers to him.
Okay, enough said. I'm getting off of here for now and going to play some online free poker at a $25.00 player limit table.
If any of you are in there look me up. ciao for now.
Sunday, February 13, 2005 7:34:05 AM
J (my wife) and I took my father out to dinner last night at O'Blarney's. While we were there our son and his girlfriend stopped by. They were going to the show next door... gonna watch some mushy film or something... I have to laugh about it, watching my son get domesticated slowly but surely by his girlfriend. You married guys out there most likely can identify with what I'm saying. Either way she's a keeper...
Anyways, back to dinner with Dad. If you've never been to O'Blarney's you should go. It probably has the best steak for the buck (my preference is the Cajun steak). We didn't order steak last night... had the seafood platter instead. But the food and company was great.
Mom passed away on January 1, 2005 so Dad's still getting over her... hell, we all are. He's never truly going to get "over her". She was a huge part of his life for 67 years. They were married for 63, almost 64 years. So, after she passed on we were all concerned about Dad. He was really down in the dumps (understandable) and wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't want to do anything. Now don't get me wrong... the old man is hard, he's the epitome of macho and has the battle scars to prove himself. He was a warrior in WWII, serving in the Army for 22 years. He was one of the first Special Forces soldiers in WWII... a member of the "Alamo Scouts". His life back then was New Guinea, Phillipines and other Pacific Island jungles full of enemies that he and the rest of his group had to monitor without being detected. He lived off of the land for extended periods of time (over a year per stint) without any real support and with a knowing enemy looking for him, all the while reporting back to his command the troop strengths, locations, etc. of the enemy. In short, he must have done things right because the enemy lost that war, he's still alive and he can talk about it without going into a tearful frenzy. All the while Mom was "stateside" waiting for him to "come home".
So, given the circumstances, knowing much of what they went through during their 67 years together it's totally understandable and even expected for Dad to have his "moments". Last night though, I think it was a breakthrough of sorts... I think he's liking life again. At 83 years old that can be hard to do. He talked about all kinds of things from Mom to O'Blarney's to fishing and pictures. We laughed, joked and remembered together. After I paid the bill we all sat around at the table and kept it up. It was a healthy evening...
He's over the hump I think... he'll always remember Mom, will talk with her from time to time but realizes he has others around him who love, respect and need him here. When J and I got home from that dinner we watched the movie "The notebook" or something like that with James Gardner in it. It was purely coincidental... we had no idea what the movie was about but, thanks to Netflix, ordered it and subsequently watched it. If you haven't seen it you should! While I watched I couldn't help but think how much it told me about my own father's life... especially how he must feel today. I certainly wouldn't recommend it to him... it would most likely open those recent wounds that are starting to heal but truly understand his devotion to Mom and hers to him.
Okay, enough said. I'm getting off of here for now and going to play some online free poker at a $25.00 player limit table.
If any of you are in there look me up. ciao for now.
Sunday, February 13, 2005 7:34:05 AM
Moving on...
Now that this is set up I can move on.
I get to vent first though!I'm getting a bit frustrated with the crap that's happening in my "old" job. Adults acting like children, alleged professionals with huge egos forever needing to be fed. For over seven years I was able to "ride herd" over that particular group of self serving primadonna's and finally, after my live in mother in law passed away I had enough of serving as those grown men's father, confidant, baby sitter and mentor. I was tired... very tired of the constant 24/7 paternal intervention I had to do to keep them all on track, going the right direction and working together. I was offered another position that afforded me opportunities to "move on". The intitial thought of "abandoning" my little group of alleged professionals and moving into a new job frightened me. I felt a paternal allegiance of sorts to see the group through their back stabbing, belly aching, ego feeding, childish approaches towards each other.
When I was with them I provided the buffer, served as their confidant, kept everything in check. Finally, upon my wife's and my return from burying her mother after a tragic and painful death I'd had enough! I moved on and effectively up, ridding myself of their constant complaining... hell, they complained about having to do their job, they complained about each other, they complained about things that didn't even affect them... I can whine... I can vent... I earned this right! I had to put up with this very crap for too long. Now it's my turn to be free of it! So, in the end I served myself... my family by moving on. No more direct supervision... a point decidedly negotiated by me at the job offer interview, no more budget management... another negotiated point, no more multi level headaches!I've moved to a new plateau late in my career. I've been brought in to review, fix or otherwise create and oversee a program of sorts that has substance to it... a program that has potential for fantastic returns! And best of all, I have SUPPORT from the exec group! Such a novel feeling of renewed excitement in my professional life!!!It's been sixth months since I've abandoned "that old group" of selfish, belley-aching wanna-be's.
I'm well on my way to healing myself mentally, physically, emotionally and personally. From the outside looking in at the old group I find myself watching in awe as they tear each other apart. The little cliques I rode herd on and effectively neutralized while I was there are raising their ugly heads and lashing out at one another... huge ego medusa's. Their "program" is crumbling, they're digressing in what little forward performance they had and their morale is below the point of no return.
From what I can see only one of them is salvageable and I'm going to do my best to salvage him. He's a good worker, astute, personable, intelligent, tenacious and level headed... and he's catching the wrath of several of the other "idiots" I left behind. Dirty laundry is being aired as we speak by some of those pompous, self serving folks I left behind. I'm not the brunt of it but I'm certainly ashamed of the way they're responding to change.
Oh well, I feel better... I vented and my life is getting 'oh so much' better by the day. Now I need to "bring over" the last salvageable person in that old group... get him out of there and prove to him he can be happy and solve puzzles at the same time.
For what it's worth. 9:35 AM
Saturday, February 12, 2005 9:46:42 AM
I get to vent first though!I'm getting a bit frustrated with the crap that's happening in my "old" job. Adults acting like children, alleged professionals with huge egos forever needing to be fed. For over seven years I was able to "ride herd" over that particular group of self serving primadonna's and finally, after my live in mother in law passed away I had enough of serving as those grown men's father, confidant, baby sitter and mentor. I was tired... very tired of the constant 24/7 paternal intervention I had to do to keep them all on track, going the right direction and working together. I was offered another position that afforded me opportunities to "move on". The intitial thought of "abandoning" my little group of alleged professionals and moving into a new job frightened me. I felt a paternal allegiance of sorts to see the group through their back stabbing, belly aching, ego feeding, childish approaches towards each other.
When I was with them I provided the buffer, served as their confidant, kept everything in check. Finally, upon my wife's and my return from burying her mother after a tragic and painful death I'd had enough! I moved on and effectively up, ridding myself of their constant complaining... hell, they complained about having to do their job, they complained about each other, they complained about things that didn't even affect them... I can whine... I can vent... I earned this right! I had to put up with this very crap for too long. Now it's my turn to be free of it! So, in the end I served myself... my family by moving on. No more direct supervision... a point decidedly negotiated by me at the job offer interview, no more budget management... another negotiated point, no more multi level headaches!I've moved to a new plateau late in my career. I've been brought in to review, fix or otherwise create and oversee a program of sorts that has substance to it... a program that has potential for fantastic returns! And best of all, I have SUPPORT from the exec group! Such a novel feeling of renewed excitement in my professional life!!!It's been sixth months since I've abandoned "that old group" of selfish, belley-aching wanna-be's.
I'm well on my way to healing myself mentally, physically, emotionally and personally. From the outside looking in at the old group I find myself watching in awe as they tear each other apart. The little cliques I rode herd on and effectively neutralized while I was there are raising their ugly heads and lashing out at one another... huge ego medusa's. Their "program" is crumbling, they're digressing in what little forward performance they had and their morale is below the point of no return.
From what I can see only one of them is salvageable and I'm going to do my best to salvage him. He's a good worker, astute, personable, intelligent, tenacious and level headed... and he's catching the wrath of several of the other "idiots" I left behind. Dirty laundry is being aired as we speak by some of those pompous, self serving folks I left behind. I'm not the brunt of it but I'm certainly ashamed of the way they're responding to change.
Oh well, I feel better... I vented and my life is getting 'oh so much' better by the day. Now I need to "bring over" the last salvageable person in that old group... get him out of there and prove to him he can be happy and solve puzzles at the same time.
For what it's worth. 9:35 AM
Saturday, February 12, 2005 9:46:42 AM
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