Sunday, May 27, 2007


...they love unconditionally.

I had my heart broke yesterday... again. Andrew's mother had called earlier in the day and left her rare but generic message. We listened to it. It was her "Hi Andrew, it's mommy. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and love you. I'll call you again. Bye."

My first thoughts were "she must have something planned for the weekend and is getting this phone call out of her way".

It wasn't a series of messages. It wasn't like she was REALLY trying to talk to him. She could have called back a bit later and could have talked to him but she didn't. So I asked Andrew if he wanted to call his Mom. When he told me he did I dialed a "1" in front of her number on our caller i.d. and pushed the redial button.

When I heard it ringing I passed the phone to Andrew.

His face beamed with anticipation, excitement.

As a side note, I can't talk to the... woman. I don't like her, I don't respect her, I don't appreciate anything about her or what she does to Andrew. She's all about her. Even the "gifts" she sends to Andrew on his birthday and Christmas are giftcards that were sent to her address for Andrew by his step Grandmother who has no idea Andrew is with us now. It's our belief that she, (Andrew's mother) opens the cards and boxes that "Grandma" sends to the errant address and repackages them so they'll appear to be coming from her. Otherwise he'll get nothing. Now that's pathetic. This woman, his mother thinks she's a social butterfly, God's gift to man. In short, she's not! I'll be polite and leave it at that.

Alright, I said I'd "be polite and leave it at that" but I have to say one more thing then I'll leave it alone. She's actually said in court several times that men simply adore her. We laugh each time we hear it. Us, the attorneys, other witnesses, the spectators, the others in the courtroom... even the judges. She's her own little freak show and it's funny when she starts talking. Funny to a point and then it gets sickening, pathetic. During her recitals, diatribes, testimonies there comes a point where you realize she actually believes this stuff she's saying... and pity for her rushes to mind. It's fleeting though. There's no pity for her. None. She's her own person. She made herself this empty, soul-less, self-serving sick excuse for a human being. She's certainly not a mother to any of her children... the four that are alive and the several that were either aborted or otherwise died.

She never was, never will be.

I'm sorry, I got side tracked a bit but I wanted to paint some sort of portrait of Andrew's mother for you. Biased? Yes! But a factual, educated, well deserved biasness.

So, back to the phone call. When I dial her phone number for Andrew or when she calls the best thing for me to do is to ignore her. Nothing positive has ever come out of our conversations, hers and mine. She's always accusatory, always "amped up" on something and always threatening. I'm not playing games with her and won't step into that mess with her.

Like I said earlier, she'd called yesterday and left one of her few but very generic messages. Later in the day I asked Andrew if he wanted to call his Mom. My son, daughter in law, my grand daughter and Jackie were all here for dinner. Dad was on his way. It was around 5:30 p.m., our time. That would've made it 8:30 p.m. Georgia time. I was hoping Andrew could talk to her before she got into whatever state of stupor she gets in every day, night, whatever. He said he did so I redialed her number for him and handed him the phone when I heard it start to ring.

He wandered off into one of the other rooms where it was quieter. I watched his face as he started to talk to her. He was beaming! I thought "connection made" and went back to what I was doing. A short time later Jackie noticed there was no noise in the room Andrew went into with the phone so she went to check on him. She found him curled up in the corner crying... the phone cradled in his hands, pressed to his shoulder, still active on our end... his mother had hung up on him.

She'd hung up on her 7 years old son. She never let him talk other than to identify himself.

According to Andrew (who just turned 7 yrs. old) his mother answered the phone and he said "Mommy". She immediately told him "I told you before, I don't want to talk to you! I don't ever want you calling back here again!" '

Now that crushed the kid. He told us he tried to tell her it was him and she told him she knew who it was. After that all she said to him, all she shared with him was her hate! Her self serving, bitter, vile hatred for anyone and anything around her.

Especially him.

He was so hurt yesterday after that call. Very hurt. Oh sure, we got his mind off of what she said shortly after we realized she'd rebuffed him but he'd go back and revisit the call throughout the evening. He'd bring it up again as Jackie, Andrew and I sat together on the couch watching television.

Somehow, we got him smiling again. He's resilient but he remembers.

He brought up the 8 phone calls I'd dialed to her number for him on Mother's Day and how she never answered the calls, never acknowledged his messages he'd left and never called him back until yesterday. He mentioned how she said she was going to "be here" for Christmas last year and never showed up, never called and never wrote. Oh, she did call a couple of days later and said someone had stolen her purse and cell phone so she couldn't call.

He remembers when she said she was going to "be here" for his birthday and even asked if I minded if she would attend his party we had planned for him. Of course, I knew better. I did tell her she could attend the party but I knew better. She never called, never wrote and certainly didn't show up. A couple of days later Andrew got his usual $100.00 Toys-R-Us gift card from his step Grandma (which is great! Grandma is a wonderful person!)... the card that his mother undoubtedly intercepted and put in an envelope with a letter from her, not grandma.

Yeah, although she broke his heart again yesterday he'll still be calling her "mommy".

Kids, they're so innocent, so honest, so forgiving and so loving!

How can anyone turn their back on that?

I can't even begin to explain how I feel let alone how Andrew feels.


Sunshine said...

Dennis, that is awful. No wonder you were upset. These "wounds", these hurts, may well stay with Andrew for some time.

But, he has you and Jand the rest of you, and he does not have to go through this on his own.. and, even though things like this can scar for life, he has you both to tend to the wound and to pick him up, and dust himdown, and set him up on his feet again.

Keep strong...

take care


Dennis said...

Hi Sue,

Thank you. We really have no choice but to stay strong.

You're right, his wounds will heal, to a point. But he'll always remember. I'm just hoping she realizes what she's doing before it's too late... if it's not already.

Take care and say "hi" to Ed for us. Also, (it's easy to say but...) don't fret over your son. He's going to be fine.


Nuclear Mom said...

This post tore my heart out. I just cannot understand.

I am glad he has you guys.

Dennis said...

We can't understand that person either. She's all about her. He's a trophy to her, nothing more.

Thanks. We're thankful we can be here too. He really is a gem.