Friday, April 04, 2008

Points to ponder...

Life's Rules... Think about them!

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and S___head's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said, 'thyroid problem?'

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.

6. A sign in a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a 'terminal?'

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely
no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you
tomatoes, make Bloody Mary.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.

17. Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my
plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer Brains.'

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, casinos and
lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not
feeling well?

20. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise
words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

-Now, in spite of all of your challenges go out and enjoy your day... the rest of your life!

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