Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Wal Mart husband...

This post came to me via email from my father. It's one of those "urban legend" type emails that's floating around out there. But, for those of us out here who simply loathe "shopping"... we can identify!

"Mr. and Mrs.Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to 'get in and get out', but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Allegedly, here's a letter sent to her from the store's management.

Dear Mrs Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the automotive department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

I'm pretty sure I'd be in trouble at home if I had as much fun as our Mr. Fenton character did.

But it's oh-so tempting...


Michelle said...

How delightfully funny! When prodded, my hubs will go to the store with me. Only when I'm doing the 'in-and-out' shopping though. Other than that, I'd prefer he stay home.

D. H. said...

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for the comment.

I'm one of those husbands who will go to that "familiar" store, go directly where I know the items are, put the items in the basket, go directly to the checkout counter, pay for the stuff and leave. I don't shop. I don't!

Unless J goes with me. Dayum. That's not all that fair. But I do get grumpy if she "shops" too long.

I've never thought about doing what this guy did though. That's a whole new idea and a good one.

Sue said...

One less on I have learned - don't take the teens supermarket shopping - far to expensive....

BTW, I have tagged you if you want to play

D. H. said...

LOL Sue, and don't go shopping with a grandmother. I never seem to get out of the store inside of an hour.