Sleepless again...

Good morning! It's Valentine's Day... February 14, 2005.

I woke up at 0320 and couldn't seem to get back to sleep so I got out of bed around 0412. Such is my life lately. This blog, it's consuming. I think about it quite a bit when I'm not on it writing something. I find it to be an outlet of sorts for my pent up thoughts... an effective way to clear my mind. Yesterday I tried to watch the Pro Bowl but kept getting side tracked. Finally, I shut it off and J and I took our walk around the neighborhood. I still don't know who won... nor do I really care. That's rather unusual for me because I've always been an avid football fan... hmmmm, maybe it just isn't that important to me anymore.

Well, I'm starting out the work week early. I answered several work related emails yesterday, Sunday, my day off and caught the ire of J for doing it. But the emails were important to me and I just couldn't wait until today to write my responses. I'm one of those spontaneous, compulsive freaks who, once I get a thought in my mind I can't get rid of it until I address it head on. Hence the emails on Sunday rather than today.

I'm not sure why I've been waking up at 03dark thirty for the past several months but know this much... once I do there's no getting back to sleep. I got J a card for Valentine's Day... nothing major. We're a bit tight on the budget right now so I'll see what shakes out in the ol' account this morning before I do anything else re: flowers or something. I mean, after 27 years I just don't know what to get her anymore.It's not like she "has it all" it's just that she's a challenge to shop for. You'd think the longer you're with someone the better you'll know her... in many ways that's the case but in many other ways it isn't. I mean, people tend to change their wants and needs over the years as they get older. Given that, I'm still a bit unsure what to get her. Though flowers always seem to get good results :-).

We're going to put our house on the market this coming fall... we need to get out from under this friggin' adjustable rate mortgage that we let someone talk us into. We're already paying too much a month for the place and to have it increase on January 1, 2006 isn't acceptable. We'll be broke by our mortgage payment by March. We could always refinance and get a conventional or VA fixed loan but we've decided to down size our home. Hell, the two of us don't need a 2200 square foot home anymore. We did when we had J's mother and Andrew living with us but since her mother died in July and Andrew's been sent back to Georgia this house has grown in size and loneliness. So, we're gonna dump it... let someone else who needs a larger home have it. We're talking about an 1800 square foot home... you know, the three bedroom, two bath, fenced yard thing or maybe a nice double or triple wide on some property somewhere. We'd still have enough room for Andrew and for company when they stop by but will have roughly half the payment... we could use an additional 800 bucks a month.

I still have to do the taxes too. Damn! Last year we had to pay over 1100 bucks to the feds. I'm dreading this year's taxes... most likely we'll be shelling out more.

Oh yeah, the doc put me on some blood pressure medicine a couple of months ago. I'm sure some of you folks are on it. It's a pain... the prescription says right on it "take one daily, do not miss a day. It could worsen your condition". Now how many of you can remember a little fact like that day to day. Most of you are probably saying "Hell, what's so hard about that. I can!" but trust me, I can't! I keep forgeting to take the bloody thing! Then when I do it's usually after I start getting cramps in my chest and can feel my heart going nuts... what is this? I mean, I know my family has a history of heart problems... I'm otherwise in good health, about 15 pounds overweight (not bad for a 50 plus year old guy), am somewhat active... moreso than most my age and although the arthritis is starting to creep in and the old war wounds are flaring up again I feel fine. Now I have to take that damned medicine and keep forgetting to take it... sometimes until half a day later. I must admit though, after I take it things seem to settle down in that ol' ticker area. But, I hate being tied to a pill. I hate being controlled, period! And that friggin' pill has some odd side effects too. Weight gain, loose bowels, dry mouth, ringing ears (moreso than normal)... stuff like that. And to compound things the wine I drink every night seems to intensify some of those affects. Whatever... when I cash it in I hope I'm on a trail in the woods somewhere trying to solve a puzzle. That's what I hope.

I've been thinking a lot about the world situation lately too. I mean, North Korea with nukes???!!! How the Hell did that happen. They can't even make cars right! Now a nuke (or two or four)??? And they claim to have a delivery device that'll reach out and touch someone over 2000 miles away. You do the math... Washington State, North Korea... Ft. Lewis, McChord AFB, Bangor Sub Base, Bremerton Naval Station, Everett Naval Station, Whidbey Island Naval Air Station and on and on... It's suggested they're "posturing" for more aid and a lift of the sanctions. Posturing my ass! If someone's pointing a gun at my head and asking for my wallet that ain't posturing! And China! All of those people over there... all of them and the fantastic creeping of technology into their country. Look at the stuff coming out. It's pretty damned good. I was once told by a very good professor that you can tell how advanced a country truly is by the toys they produce. Not just kids toys but grownup toys as well. Hell, China's kicking out some pretty good toys! All I can say is we'd better not piss them off.

Well, enough of this drivel... I guess I should get off of here and do something constructive. It's almost 0600 and I need to finish up some things on this computer before I wake J up for another day of work.

Take care all.

Monday, February 14, 2005 06:08 A.M.