Monday, February 20, 2006

it's not really funny... really isn't.

I mean, this bi-polar crap doesn't seem to have any end to it. I actually think it's contagious because now I'm feeling a bit "bi-polar". I've been living on two- maybe three hours of sleep a night. I go to sleep at 23:30 or there-abouts (11:30 p.m.) and I'm awakened two... maybe three if I'm lucky... hours later . Bi-polar brother in law is hanging pictures in his room, running the garbage disposal, playing music, calling people on the phone, taking a shower or simply coming into J's and my room... our SANCTUARY... to "chat" with us. This isn't going the way I thought it would.

Today my son dropped by early in the morning... though not early enough to have awakened me... I was "up" by 03:30 A.M... bumps in the night, holes in the wall, music through the heating vents. Either way, I was "up"... very "up" at 03:30... soooo, rather than seek an amorous moment I went to the kitchen and made a pot of java... STRONG java. Bi-Polar brother in law stays in his room until around 05:00 hrs. (5:00 A.M.). It's not good. Things around here are not good. He's digressing and we're working to make things work... not good.

If I don't post in the next five days or so then we're fried.

It's one thing to help a person that needs help and is willing to help himself, it's another thing to help someone who simply relies on the help and has no desire to move on. I guess I'm at wit's end. I'll help people who strive to move forward. I can't find compassion or identity (however slight) for people who won't TRY to improve... TRY to move foreward... TRY to fix things.

I can only do so much...


Sunshine said...


Oh Dear..

I wish we could help.. If you were here I could give you names of support groups for carers and BiL and programmes that run here and some residential places that BiL could go to..

But you are there...and there is a long, long way. Perhaps you should consider trying to get some "help" if there is any available or at least somewhere else for him to live..

My thoughts and prayers are with you DH, and J and BiL. I wish I could offer more..

D. H. said...

Sue, Thank you. I'm inclined to believe no one can really help if he doesn't want help. He has to start that process himself. I did chat with the "doc" today... nothing really sounded all that good or easy but it all sounded do-able. J, I and even bi polar brother in law are so darned thankful for your thoughts and prayers. It will all work out... it will.

Thank you!

Oh, and trust me... there will be stories later on... when this all comes to pass.

Cathy said...

You know, your normal, average, emotionally healthy houseguest can be a strain. Throw in the bi-polar issue and you will soon be going insane yourself.

Sometimes we have to wallow in the awfulness of the situation to build up strength to carry on. You are right, it will work out. That is something I've learned with age, in the end it all works out.

D. H. said...

Cathy- I've heard the saying "people are like fish... the longer they hang around the more they start to stink". You know, it's a bit true. I hate to say it but it is. We all like our "little world". Re: the bi-polar stuff... I refuse to go anymore insane than I already am. And you're so right when you say "we have to wallow in the awfulness of the situation to build up the strength to carry on"... I've been doing that throughout my 30 years career. Wallowing in the awfulness of whatever the "bad guy" did so I could identify with his/her mindset at the time and then find the strength to carry on and eventually prosecute.

That's the most difficult part of puzzle solving... identifying... you have to... to a degree. Draw the line!