Sunday, February 12, 2006


(I can't identify who did this one either. That's not a crime, is it? If it is, arrest me and take me away!)

Is being bi-polar contagious? I'm wondering. I really am. I've been trying to keep my brother in law active... well, productive over the weekend after he was kicked out of his home by his really, really, really psychotic wife. It's not like I haven't been through this before. I have. "J" and I both have. Many, many, many times.

When J's mother was alive and was living with us she would bring "bi-polar brother in law" here... to our home... to "rest", to regain his "senses". I was normally assigned the task of keeping him on an even keel... ROFL... it never worked. You know, guy stuff... him being bi-polar and very, very, very annoying (to the ignorant... "me") while I'm carrying around my "matter of fact", "tell it like it is", "do it now and move on", "oh well, kiss off if you don't like it" and "don't let the door hit you in the ass" macho effing attitude. In short... it was water and oil. We simply didn't mix... my brother in law and I. Never did mix well.

Our only hope... only salvation was my dearest mother in law. J's mother. "Bi-polar bro in law's" mother. She was always there to intercede... intervene when things got tense (which they did, quite a bit between dear old bro' in law and I. Almost caused a divorce once!... twice... more than three times, he did! The prick!).

The saint of saints regarding bi-polar children always found a way to make things work. Now, she's dead. My mother in law is dead. Died in 2004. She's passed on and we're left here to deal directly with Mr. "Bi-Polar" himself... up front and personal. I'm not being calloused here... I'm not trying to be funny (because it's anything but funny).

I'm simply setting the stage...

This guy... this brother in law... this son of the saint of bi-polar children has been a part of my past. 28 years worth a part of my past. He's stolen checks out of the middle of our checkbook, forged our signatures, "ripped" us off in oh-so-many ways... he's tested my patience and civility for over two and a half decades, he's insulted friends and family directly, he's expressed his uttermost hate and discontent for me yet he still ends up on "J's" and my doorstep when things get really, really, really tough.

In light of that, we can't turn him away... wouldn't in a heartbeat. No one else seems to understand... this being bi-polar shit ain't easy.

Yesterday (Saturday) we spent the day together... the whole effing day together draining transmission fluid from his piece of shit Chevy truck. 8 hours of laying on cold effing pavement draining... flushing... filling... draining... flushing... filling transmission fluid out of his truck. At the end of the day when our fingers no longer felt attached to our hands, when our elbows and shoulders burned... ached, when our hair was saturated in Chevy transmission fluid, when our knees no longer bent, when every joint in our body ached (CHRIST! they ached!) from the idiocy of two outdoors, back yard mechanic's attempts to fix a wayward 1979 Chevrolet pickup's automatic transmission... at the end of the day when I finally took it upon myself to ask him to describe... "in detail, describe exactly what you did before the transmission failed" type of bullshit. I was rewarded with an answer that was so absurd... so damned annoying that I simply wanted to remove him from this wonderful, peaceful earth.

Several deep breaths and dammit-dammit's later I realized... "this man's got problems". Almost three decades of whooping up on this dude and I finally realize he's got real, real, real big problems. I mean, he's somewhat personable yet he's very, very shallow... up front. He has patterned behavioral quirks that suggest he's unable to keep thoughts much longer than... oh... well... say one to three minutes... then it's off to something else... and you know what? I feel for him. I actually do. I find myself wondering just what EXACTLY is going on in his head. It has to be chaotic. IT HAS TO BE!!!

I'm also ashamed of the way I treated him in the past. You know... ignored, disgusted, offended, ashamed (to start)... This boy needs help. Genuine help! The more time I spend with him the more I can identify with his needs.

I used to say "Give him a box of screws, nuts, washers and bolts. That'll keep him busy for days"... Hell! I was right!!! It would! He's on the edge of being a genius (if he isn't already) yet he's dipped into being "challenged".

I once had a psychology professor who told me the only difference between a genius and an insane person is recognition.


I have a "Chevy van" story to tell in the next couple of days too... Oh yeah, and powerwashing our deck in February. It's all good. Trust me!

And life goes on.



Cathy said...

Sounds like you might be beginning to see him through his mother's eyes. Mothers are very forgiving of their flawed children. I'll have to come back for more of this. I enjoy the way you use words.

DG said...

I've not a poem for you DH
but here's to the woman in your life
tell it to her as if there yours
these words written for a wife.

You fill my heart so full,
you bring me so much gladness,
we've been together through so much
in time of hope and sadness.

There are women out there,
my type they all are not,
for you see my sweet woman,
I've a wife who's oh so HOT.

They don't have your beauty,
or the home that you have made,
they all fall far short,
they just don't make the grade.

You make the brightest star real dim,
you are a Goddess from heaven above,
so I give to you my precious,
all of my hearts unfettered love.

For my standards are very high,
my woman just has to be real fine,
which is why I say to you,
For me there is just one Valentine.

D. H. said...

Hi Cathy,

Yes. His mother was very forgiving... of most everyone. It was her nature. And I guess you're right. I am seeing some of him she saw for so long and I am seeing some of the ugliness I threw about in the past. I guess that's what is meant when people say "it all comes together when you gather the facts and study them."

I'm a puzzle solver and fact finder by trade yet I never attempted to gather them when it dealt with "Bi-polar brother in law"... never really gave him a chance.

Now, well now I'm rather compelled to... which is a good thing.

Take care. I've popped over to your sites a couple of times. Nice stuff! One of these times I'll even leave a comment... usually shy about that in my first couple of visits.

...and thanks for the post.

Enjoy your day.

D. H. said...


Thanks! I'm gonna use it. But, you're getting credit... afterwards.

Enjoy the day!